A little poetry

Our Professor of Psychiatry is quite partial to rhyming and has been encouraged by herself to publish the odd snippet when the feeling takes her. Here you are treated to the first of such rhymes. More will appear.

The story behind this particular rhyme is that some years ago a prominent skier fractured her spine in a tumble and had read that devouring cockroaches would bring about the relief of pain she needed to continue to compete. She threw some cockroaches into a blender and swallowed the resultant mass and reported that the next morning her back pain had disappeared.

Psychiatry took some time out from her taxidermy duties to compose.

Let's hear it for the cockies
From New York to the Rockies
Be it Sydney, Paris or be it Rome
They call anywhere home

A beetle considered not much fun
And by the majority, totally dumb
But you could be in for quite a surprise
Your attitude you may revise

For by the time this rhyme is through
You'll be waiting in a queue
A smile etched wide upon your face
With new ideas you have embraced

Household chores will be no more
This plan of mine just holds no flaw
The way things as they presently stand
Between humans and cockies is far from grand

They elect a leader whose special fate
Is to turn humans' dislike to hate
Cockie leaders lay precarious roles
Lives bound up with dubious goals

Bold leadership's fraught with many a threat
Few are up for the challenge I'll bet
Always loathed in every way
And with their lives they often pay

Believe it or not there's a hierarchy
Like that found in humanity
And don't be fooled
For Science has ruled

That cockies always perform at the best
In front of a cockroach audience
Attesting to their intelligence
And ability to act without innocence

Of such faculties we can make use
And give up previous cockie abuse
Many uses we can find
We only need to be inclined

Those not attending to their nightly chore
Of cleaning benches and sweeping the floor
Will attract the cockies in numbers high
The following ideas they can apply

Attach small dusters to their tiny feet
So when they run the floor they'll sweep
Then cockies who've been confined to the floor
Will always live in the hope there's more

To be promoted to the Bench Brigade
Would let them know they had it made
Benches offer delicious fare
And special pickings are gathered there

A cockroach army could be trained
To keep the ants out when it rained
To keep our kitchens spic 'n span
And clean up after lazy man

Train a cockie postal trail
To collect and deliver your daily mail
A myriad of uses there could be
Keep a cockroach army working busily

Obedience and efficiency would be the order
Otherwise it's step over the border
Into the Land of Shoe Sole Crush
Where it's known all bodies turn to mush

Their motivation would thus be strong
I really think we can't go wrong
So let no cockies of ours despair
As human master we'd be quite fair

We could turn it all around
Have a relationship quite profound
And should a nasty fracture you sustain
Cockies will relieve the pain

Selfless sacrifice would abound
All good cockies would gather round
And into the blender they would leap
Take a final breath as a unified heap
Embark on a gastrointestinal tour
And bring about a speedy cure

Now nearly all is said and done
And your belief I have won
We must find a way to communicate
With this useful beetle before it's too late

Such valuable tasks we could demand
Under risk of calling an eager Flick Man
I really think I've found a solution
Ensuring useful cockie evolution
Man and cockie living side by side
Enjoying the evolutionary ride.

Yes, let's hear it for the cockies!!

Psychiatry is looking for volunteers to train cockroaches and be part of a most remarkable experiment. You can offer your help by visiting your local post office and requesting the cockie research form. Not all post offices have agreed to stock this form.